yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
