I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
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we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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