everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
