is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
