dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
