can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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