He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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