I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You may now shotgun with the bride
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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