Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
