yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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