laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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