Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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