Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
