I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
worst night to have a conscience
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
