Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
