I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
