bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
