4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
