Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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