I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
