i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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