bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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