marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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