i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Damn victory sex feels great
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
