Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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