Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
