Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
