My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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