I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
