We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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