Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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