Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
