id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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