i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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