1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
