i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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