32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
