This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
