Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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