Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
