People with herpes should wear stickers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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