My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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