im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
