i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
