Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
