woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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