Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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