hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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