I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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