I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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