so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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