so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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