You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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