My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
