Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
