If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
