I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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