He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
