You can't special order awesome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
